Two months ago almost to the day Mrs May, our very own safe pair of hands assumed the office of Prime Minister. Isn't it funny how quickly you become nostalgic for the way things used to be? Now don't get me wrong, I have no desire to see the Boy David back at Number Ten nor Gideon next door at Number Eleven. There are several things I will not easily forgive Dave for. The first and greatest of these is his decision to hold a referendum on our membership of the EU. There was not widespread dissatisfaction amongst the general population with the fact that we were in the EU. To most people it was just how things were, in much the same way that everybody knows that the England Football team will never progress beyond the quarter finals in any major competition. It was just one of the (less interesting) facts of life.
Because he was frightened both of UKIP and the chief weasel Farage and also a potential split in his own party he tried to head off problems by including the referendum in his manifesto. Well that turned out well, didn't it Dave? I suppose it got rid of Farage, at least for a while, so not all bad news then. Having completely ballsed it up, he buggered off, leaving behind an election for our next Prime Minister to be voted on by about 120,000 members of the Conservative Party. Not only that but consider the choice that was offered to said party members. If I were to draw up a list of which five Conservative MPs I thought should contest the election not one of that sorry shower would feature. I know I am not a Tory and my choice may be slightly coloured but it demonstrates the appalling state of British politics when the best the Tories could muster was Mrs May, Andrea Leadsome (who she?), The Gove, Dr Fox and Stephen Crabb. And in the interests of balance I would say that the Labour Party have proved equally unimaginative in their choice of a challenger for Jeremy Corbyn.
In the end the members of the Conservative Party were not required to get out of their bath chairs, interrupt their croquet tournaments or postpone their afternoon bridge sessions to actually vote as one by one the candidates fell away to reveal Mrs May as the last person standing.
Welcome to the wonderful world of democracy where your vote really counts, folks.
So here we are, two months in, two weeks of which were spent walking in Switzerland and what do we have? Well apart from the overwhelming feelings of nostalgia for the old days which I mentioned before, we seem to have a nation in crisis.
As I mentioned in a previous blog Mrs May seems to think that tinkering with our
state education system is the most important thing on her agenda at present. How so?
Perhaps the elephant in the room is so large and she is standing so close to it that she can't actually see it.
"Well Mrs May, may I reintroduce you to our resident pachyderm. His name is Brexit. Sorry? Yes I know it's a funny name for an elephant. What does it mean? Well I think it is a portmanteau word... What? Yes portmanteau is a French word. France is a country in Europe... It's a portmanteau word made up of Britain and exit. Yes exit, as in our leaving the European Union. What? You thought brexit meant brexit? Well I suppose technically it does, in the same way that antidisestablishmentarianism means antidisestablishmentarianism. Doesn't really get us much further on though, does it?
"Sorry? You've got three wise men working on it? Really? That sounds promising. Who are they, these Three Wise Men.
"Dr Liam Fox? I think I've heard of him, wasn't he in trouble a while back about over claiming his expenses? And wasn't there something about a chap called Werritty and some secret documents? What? Oh I see, that was all in the past, forgive and forget. Who else?
"David Davis? I've heard of him too. Bit of a loose cannon though isn't he? And the third one?
"Boris? OMG. Foreign Secretary? You're kidding me. Sorry? You don't tell jokes? Not unless they are written specially for you for PMQs? I understand. And what have they come up with so far, these wise men? Not a lot? Really?
" But you have invoked article 50 haven't you, I mean nothing happens until you do, right?
"You haven't? Oh so when...? Next year probably... I see.
"By the way before I go can I just ask you one more question about Dr Fox? Was he totally off his head when he called British businessmen fat and lazy? After all, it is his job to sell British businesses abroad... isn't it?
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