I had intended to take a slightly satirical look at the situation in Britain this morning, when I was thinking yesterday about what I might say.
I'm a great believer in the 'you gotta larf' approach to most things. I think that's one of the really great things about the British as a nation (will that soon have to be 'as several nations'?). If there is a genuine tragedy, an earthquake, say or a horrific motorway pile-up we generally respond in an appropriate manner, and also buckle down to help. If however, no loss of life is involved and the cock-up is of our own making one of the first responses of the genuine Brit is to find the humour in the situation. No sooner had Iceland knocked England out of the European Championship than the silly tweets began. It's probably a defence mechanism but it sure as hell beats going out and giving someone a good kicking.
Anyway, when I was thinking yesterday about how to start my ramblings I wondered if it would be amusing to try and find which character from fiction each of the major players in this sorry fiasco resemble most.
I started with Jeremy, who is seen by many on the left as a latter day messiah, one who will free them from the yoke of the evil Empire that is the idealogical right. If he is The Messiah he is very much an accidental one. If we look at his progress, before the leadership elections most outside the party had never heard of him, possibly many inside the party as well. He had been an outstanding constituency MP since 1983 and a long time backbench rebel who liked to vote with his conscience against the wishes of the party whips.
To digress for a moment, on Newsnight last night Evan Davis tried to liken his actions in defying the whip to that of those who are currently trying to depose him. I would like to respectfully point out that his actions never threatened to destabilise the party to the point where a permanent split is a very real possibility, nor did his actions ever threaten to topple the elected leader of the party.
Revenons à nos moutons. When he stood as the only anti-austerity candidate in the elections Corbyn struggled to get the requisite 35 nominations and was quoted at 200/1 by bookmakers. He then went on to win by a landslide. As I was walking in the woods I couldn't help feeling that there was a parallel here with what happened to Brian Cohen in Monty Python's Life of Brian. It wasn't a very parallel parallel obviously, but here was a man plucked from relative obscurity to discover that the hopes of thousands of people had been put on his shoulders, and who ends up getting crucified. I rather wish that when Cameron made his famous dig about what his mother would have said Corbyn had replied. My mother would have said, 'He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.'
Continuing with the religious theme, as I was making my way down the bit of my walk which I always think of as 'The Ride', a straight track overshadowed by ash and oak trees, a thought struck me. Last night I had been engaged for some time in a Facebook exchange about whether or not the Leave Camp should have had a plan ready to implement. My basic argument was that somebody should have had one and that it was down to the Tory party to provide it as they were the government. Which bit of the Tory party, inners or outers, I didn't much mind. In response to Faisal Islam's comments one punter posted this:
We all have a duty to respect the views of others. At one time nobody would disclose who they voted for, and if Faisal Islam "read" the news instead choosing to ridicule then he would see that thatthere are so many changes taking place that it is not the right time to divulge anything concrete.
Which as far as I can see means that he believes we should vote on trust for whoever we think is going to best represent our interests but that they don't need to tell us what they are going to do. So, a bit like religion then.
If you do as I say you will go to heaven.
What's heaven like?
Not absolutely certain, but it's definitely good.
What, better than what I've got now?
Oh yes definitely.
Have you been to heaven?
Actually no.
And do you know anyone who has?
Err, no. You see they're all dead.
Oh well that's ok then. I can't wait to go to this wonderful place full of dead people which is definitely better than what I've got now. Will I have an iPhone 6 in heaven?
And I think much of the less well informed leave vote, those for example who are now expressing regret at how they voted, can be explained in terms of a Billy Graham style revivalist meeting. As a student I was briefly entangled in fundamentalist Christian group called The Navigators. One of their tactics was to get members to learn specific verses from the Bible, mostly the Old Testament, with which we were supposed to counter the arguments of the unbelievers. I'm afraid I couldn't be arsed to learn any, never got into any arguments with any unbelievers and literally ran all the way to the railway station when, at a meeting I was instructed to reach under my chair where I would find a form to fill in which would enable me to donate cash every month to help the cause.
Leavers had similar phrases which they repeated endlessly and mindlessly throughout the campaign. 'Get our country back'; 'Undemocratic institutions'; 'Dictatorship in Brussels'; Unelected Bureaucrats'; Uncontrolled immigration'; 'Sovereignty'; Leftie scum', although I'm not clear how that last one was supposed to apply to our prime minister. Even now following an out vote, I'm coming across those from the winning side who come out with stuff like this (and I apologise for its length):
Not a single, solitary word in any mainstream media in support of the leave camp. That, in itself, speaks volumes for how the left has total control over our media. They are telling us WHAT to think, not HOW to think - where is the other side of the story??? The part about self-dself-determination and governance and rejection of the dictatorial EU elitists who are aligned with the big banks & corporations. Or the part about the people feeling overwhelmed by out of control 3rd world immigration. Or the part about being shamed for wanting to preserve one's culture and way of life. Or the part about constantly being lied to with things like "all cultures and equal and Islam is a relgion of peace, when everyone can see with their own eyes that it is complete and utter rubbish.
There's just no pleasing some people.
I was going to look at who the other major players remind me of, is there time? (Looks over at producer, producer nods). Ok.
- Farage. You'd think this would be easy but the problem ist here are so many to choose from. I've already proposed Cut-my-own-throat Dibbler (Throat to his friends) from the Discworld books, and I shall probably stick with that, although there is more than a touch of the Steerpike about him, and Uriah Heep.
- Cameron. This is a difficult one. I need a smug, self satisfied, well fed, pig headed character, who knows he is always right and who gets angry and bullying when anybody disagrees with him. I'm sure there must be someone in Dickens or Trollope who fits the bill or even Austen or Tolstoy. Contributions gratefully received.
- The Boy Gideon. That's easy, even if Cameron isn't Batman Gideon is undoubtedly Robin, the Boy Wonder.
- The Gove. I'm tempted to choose Violet Elizabeth Bott. It's not a very good fit but the idea makes me smile. Otherwise it might be Wentworth, Tiffany Aching's annoying toddler brother, once again from Terry Pratchett.
- Ian Duncan Smith. I would say Death, from the Discworld but Death has too many redeeming features. Maybe Wackford Squeers although with wafer thin veneer of civility.
I think I'll leave it there. I've probably run out of steam a bit at this point as I realise that my knowledge of English Literature is not as comprehensive as I might have wished and anyway I would need more time to think about it than it really deserves.
I leave you with the news that Nigel has resurfaced in Brussels and is sitting gurning in the chamber of the European Parliament, looking like a frog who has just consumed the biggest worm imaginable while the vultures are circling for Dodgy Dave up above.
In London we await developments.
Love Tim xx
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